Thank you, now I know

Hello! It's time to intoxicate myself again! Nah I'm just kidding. I did not input any alcohol into my body before blogging today.

A valuable lesson was taught to me today. No other than a close friend of mine, who see me more than I see myself. So many things to say, I don't know where to begin. So I'll just start randomly.

I've been escaping from my "reality" for way too long. I'm not courageous enough to face myself. I did not think of this before. I always thought, knowing them is enough. I can now tell myself, no, it's not. It's never enough to just KNOW, but rather ADMIT is more important. I should really admit all my weaknesses to overcome them, and also overcome my current situation.

I'm a person, who only searches for feelings. Not in terms of relationship of course. A few feelings, that I myself did not know I actually are searching for them, until I was told.

Now you may be wondering what the fuck I'm talking about. Let me tell you my story. I'm searching for the feeling of WINNING. Now you will think, ain't everybody's searching for that? Well, more or less it's true. But the WIN feeling I'm talking about, isn't the normal win feeling. My definition of the win feeling, is when I feel that I won, instead of defined by other people. To put it simple, it is only winning if I think it is, not other people telling my I won. Complicated much? Kind of.

I also search for the feeling of owning something. Most people wants something (in terms of material) for lifestyle, for comfort, or anything. But I want them because I want to enhance the feeling I get from what I do. Yeah, it's better to flirt in a genuine BMW instead of a Buatan Malaysia Wira. Now I know, this is the "why" I want something in terms of materials.

I've been caring about others too much that I forget that I should care for myself. I've always been careful of what I say, not because I care about what people think of me, but it's because I care about how they feel/react if I say certain things. I've been always like this, not able to be the very ME. It's time to change for that. Not that I don't give a damn, but I'll give less a damn.

A sentence, kind of "enlighten" me in a way. You still do not know who you will become tomorrow. "你还不知道明天的你是怎样的你" Everyday I can become a different person, not in a weird way of course, but in a better way.

I have to be courageous enough, to admit, and move on.

Ignore the "run like hell" 

Time to catch up what I left out for the past 2 years. 

Thank you.