Still remember when you came out of KLIA, talking with everyone about it. "I had my fingerprints taken at the airport. I doubt I can get back there again.", "I had my photo taken", "The green lane was free, of course I run out la. Stay there let them catch?". You seems proud speaking it out loud, the people were enjoying listening to your stories. But I was there, at another corner, ashamed. Is it so proud, staying overseas illegally? That's a bit funny for me. I'd rather hear, "Oh the guard ah, I always tipped him when I go on a trip. So the people in the airport recognize me la." Ya it sounds weird and funny, but which one would you prefer? You're well known because you travel a lot, or you're wanted because you stayed overseas without a valid Visa?
And you. Until now, I still cannot accept the fact, that the money was gone in this way. She said it right. If it were for your children (me and siblings), then it's ok to help you. But for THAT FUCKING REASON? Where are your responsibilities towards the family? Have you really contributed to the family? She told me about your past. Aren't you afraid of experiencing the same thing? Aren't you afraid of the dark after meeting a ghost? Seriously, I could've live better now, if it were not because of you. I could've hear less, of arguements at home, or matters involving MONEY. If it weren't for myself, if it were other people with average thoughts, they would've suffer with you. I'm lucky enough to have this brain, which more or less helped me survived through these few years. I don't know how I got through it, but sometimes seeing you guys just make me sick. I don't know how you guys are still so carefree, with all the problems on hand. Are you going to wait till the last minute? Wait till they come and confiscate your properties? Then what should your 9 y/o daughters do? Stay with the babysitters forever? Become their daughter? It feels like you're selling them. What different are you from those pure losers? I despise you.
If it weren't for you guys. I won't be blogging about this. Also part of the reason I don't like staying at home. You guys never realize it? I'd rather stay outside with my friends till morning rather than coming back. I'd stay inside my room facing the laptop rather than seeing you guys. Seeing you guys makes me wanna puke. I'm not being rude, just telling the fact. If you happen to see this, please FUCKING reflect on yourselves. Why can't I have a normal family like others do? Why is our relationship so bad?
I don't deserve all these shits man. I'm undergoing some abnormal teenage. I'm feeling it.
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M,
time will heal all wounds, I hope it will heal you soon.
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Hestitating about matters regarding you. I might misunderstand it, but I really hope things would work out. It's a new thing. For me and you.
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